


On our Second life, I'll find you again

by DarkerParts



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Jihoon is in love with him, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sick Character, Soonhoon - Freeform, Soonyoung is sick, Tragic Romance, howoo, this is soft but it also hurst hehehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25310584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkerParts/pseuds/DarkerParts
Summary: Soonyoung was already dying when he met Lee Jihoon.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo & Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Chan | Dino, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Seokmin | DK, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not okay. I'm sorry for this.   
> Goodnight!

_When Soonyoung met Jihoon, he was already dying_.

  
Born with an illness, Soonyoung has spent his childhood in operating tables rather than the open park. He reads books and answers math equations on white sheet beds instead of tables in homerooms. He eats tasteless hospital foods, not the canteen foods he so badly want to try at schools. He's sick. Body so weak it can't support the brightness inside of him. His heart not strong enough to contain his love for all living things and life itself. His muscles and bones not capable of holding this ball of energy inside of him. He's sick and dying, but that doesn't stop him from living.

Unlike in movies, and books, Soonyoung isn't the angsty sick kid who either just wants everything to end or so mad at the world because he doesn't want to see his life with an end. He understands, and has long accepted. That he won't last as long as his parents, nor as his sister, nor as his friends. But that's okay. Because he does his best to live his life to the fullest, making sure that everyday isn't taken for granted. That every little thing is appreciated. That every moment, every memory, and every pieces of his life is treasured and spent with his loved ones.

Jihoon isn't like Wonwoo, who Soonyoung met as a kid. Wonwoo was visiting his grandmother at the hospital, and after that, he kept coming back to visit Soonyoung. Until they became bestfriends, until Soonyoung was allowed to get out of the hospital. Even when he went back. And then out again. Until they turned 12, and then 18. And now, 22. Wonwoo stayed besides him. Saw him on his worst, but never looked at him with pity im his eyes. Treated him gently, but never differently.

Jihoon isn't like Seokmin, who brought sunshine and loud laughter in Soonyoung's life. Who's able to pull positivity out of him even in his darkest days. Who's always looking at him with a smile and a shine in his eyes. Seokmin gave his life colors, just like how they met in that painting club when they were young. They quit at the same time, because they were too chaotic, too reckless, too messy for the fragile paints on their hands. Seokmin who makes loud jokes when he's puking his guts out in the hospital, who tells stories just as many as the needles that pokes Soonyoung's body. Seokmin was there to give him smiles while Wonwoo holds his hand.

Jihoon isn't Chan whom he met in his dance class. The amazing kid who has so much potential, so much talent in his body but still looks at Soonyoung with awe and respect. Chan stuck close to him, and became the baby brother he never knew he needed. He bulldozed in Soonyoung's life like a mass of vibrating energy, and has never left until Soonyoung watched that energy morphed into something beautiful, and powerful. Chan's the one who is living Soonyoung's dreams for him. When he quit the dance because his body can no longer make it, Chan cried and hold him close. When Chan found out the reason of why he has to leave, the kid broke down and has never let go of him. Until now that Soonyoung's too weak, Chan stayed and achieved his dreams for the two of them.

  
_No. Jihoon isn't someone who Soonyoung expected to meet in this lifetime._

  
He first saw him in the hospital. To be fair, he was already delirious from pain, and has no control over what his mouth says. His brain is too focused on controlling his sickness that he wasn't able to control the filter of his mouth.

They were waiting for his doctor. His parents were shouting and crying, asking for any action to happen. And he was in the wheelchair, ready to just pass the fuck out and sleep the pain away. And then he heard it, a voice. Soft, gentle and beautiful. Soothing and too pleasant in the ears that Soonyoung's first thought is that the angels are finally taking him. He thought his soul has left his body. He stood up, unaware of his surroundings. The aches in his body, disregarded as he traced the beautiful voice. He walked, step by step like he's in a fever dream. 

He must really be dead, because the owner of the voice is just as beautiful. Soonyoung thought that he does resembles an angel. Ethereal, and otherworldly. He sways with the song as he stood there, singing in front of multiple children that looks as sick as Soonyoung.

 _"You're beautiful"_ was his first words to him. After the song ended, after Jihoon saw him standing on the side looking pale and weakly. Apparently, it was also the last thing he said. Before Jihoon can even blush or acknowledge him, he passed out and caused a mild hysteria over the place. Not the best first meeting story.

  
He met him again, a few months later. Soonyoung was well and happy. He just got his shot, and medication. He was smiling, laughing and running. Doing stupid things with his friends. He was okay. In fact, he felt so okay that he thought it would be a good idea to go to a party. A college party where he was invited to by Mingyu, Wonwoo's boyfriend. Said boyfriend who is Soonyoung's bestfriend vehemently refused. But still, they ended up here. Dancing and drinking like any normal college students. 

And Soonyoung can pretend, that he's just as normal as everyone. That he's puking because of too much alcohol, and not because his body is being a bitch and a kill joy for making him suffer in the middle of the night.

  
_"I told you this is a bad idea. We should call the hospital, no, let's call your mom. You know what, let's call them both!"_

_"Wonwoo, can you like, relax?"_ He managed to rasp out, he slumped down on the ground as soon as he was done. Chan immediately supported his body weight, while Seokmin gave him a water bottle.

_"I am relaxed!"_

_"you're frazzled, I'm fine. Just gone overboard a bit"_ He patted what he could reach on Wonwoo's thigh as he remained sitting on the floor.

 _"Overboard is the understatement of the year, but sure soons"_ Seokmin smiles at him as he started to play with his hair. Soonyoung didn't answer, and simply titled his head so Seokmin could pet him more. 

Soonyoung is honestly too tired to move. And he knows one of his friends would need to carry him back home, but for now, he's contented where he is. Too contented that nobody really noticed how long they've been sitting there like a bunch of goons. But like, deadbeat goons because all of them looks like a varying of drunks and lifeless bodies.

 _"Are you guys, okay?"_ It was Seungcheol who approached them. At that time, Soonyoung doesn't have any idea who is. None of them does. But still Seungcheol was kind enough to lend them a room. Apparently the bigass house was owned by one of his boyfriends. Almost all of them are drunk, and Soonyoung was too weak. It was a unanimous decision to take the offer and stay the night.

Seungcheol navigated for them when they got back inside the loud house. They were guided to a room far enough that they can barely hear any noise once the door was close. They stayed in one room, all five of them cuddled in one bed because Soonyoung wants to hug all of them and none of them has a heart to say no to a dying person.

Soonyoung woke up first, feeling too hot as he is the one smooched in the middle by four people. He smiled. Once again feeling so loved and thankful that he can still open his eyes and spend another day with them. He decided to let them sleep longer and carefully got out of the messy pile. They deserve a rest after taking care of him. With light heart and light feet, he went out of the room. Fully intending to explore and hunt for something to eat and drink.

He didn't expect to see Jihoon on the kitchen. 

_"Please don't faint again"_ was what Jihoon told him. And for some reason, it made him laugh.

 _"Sorry 'bout that, didn't expect you to remember"_ he walked to the kitchen, determined to close the gap between him and this person who just seems too pure for this world. He sat down on one of the chairs, watching Jihoon cook something.

 _"I think...you won't be able to forget when a person compliments you and proceeded to faint not even seconds later. Seriously though, are you okay? You looked like you were in a bad state. But you look...okay"_ the smaller man run his eyes on him, and Soonyoung beamed at the attention.

 _"Yeah, I'm alright. Cancer does that to you sometimes, you know"_ Soonyoung rested his face on his hand, with his elbow on the table. In this position, he can comfortably stare at the other man. Said man chuckled, shaking his head and pushed a plate of bread infront of him with a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Oh... a man who can make french toast. Soonyoung can't help but think that he can get used to this. Can get used to the sight of this pretty man cooking for him early in the morning. Soonyoung suddenly has this strong urge. A strange yearning suddenly taking place on the corner of his chest. He wouldn't mind, his heartbeat says, he wouldn't mind waking up to his smile.

_"Wait...is that a joke? or do you really have cancer? I can't tell"_

  
_"Wouldn't you want to find out?"_ He winked, and the man scrunched his nose and gagged at his overused line.

  
He went home that day with Jihoon's name on his lips, his contact number on his phone, and a coffee date the next day.

One coffee date turned into two, six, and ten. Until Soonyoung lost count of it. Until Soonyoung memorized how Jihoon likes his coffee; dark, roasted with a double shot of espresso. But he pairs it with a sweet chocolate lava cake.

_"Soonyoung-ah, it's all about taste buds and balance"_

The coffee dates turned into lunch and dinners. Sometimes it's fast food because Jihoon is craving something greasy, and there are times it's vegan restaurants because Soonyoung needs to be healthy. They tried fine dining a few times, but it was too stiff for the both of them so they always ends up with drive thru. 

_"Soonyoung-ah, you're not eating it right. Let me do that for you"_

Eating out turned into home meals. None of them can cook but Mingyu leaves food for whenever Jihoon would come over. Junhui, Jihoon's roommate, would cook for them whenever Soonyoung comes for a visit. A visit became movie marathon, and the movie marathon turned into staying over. Until Jihoon's sweaters are left all over Soonyoung's place, and Soonyoung has a permanent toothbrush residing on Jihoon's bathroom.

_"It's too early. Let's sleep more, Soonyoung-ah"_

_"Soonyoung-ah, hold my hand"_

_"it's your turn to choose the movie, Soonyoung-ah"_

_"Soonyoung-ah, I found a new cafe we can go to"_

_"Soonyoung-ah, don't you think this shirt is cute?"_

_"I don't want to stand in line for one hotteok, Soonyoung-ah"_

_"Soonyoung-ah"_

_"Soonyoung-ah"_

  
He loves it. Whenever Jihoon calls him. Love the way his names sounds on his lips. Loves the way they fall out of his mouth. Sometimes it's called out of fondness, most times out of exasperation. Sometimes jihoon calls his name loudly, but Soonyoung really loves it whenever he whispers it low for only him to hear. Sometimes it's said with a short and firm voice, but Soonyoung prefers when Jihoon make it sound whiny and cute. 

It didn't take him long to realize that he's falling hard, deep and fast for Lee Jihoon. With every fiber of his being, and with every breathe he has left. He's in love with him. With his remaining heartbeat and living days, he wants to give them to Jihoon.

Jihoon who Soonyoung never thought he would ever need to be in his life. This amazing, beautiful human being. And Soonyoung has prayed and thanked God every single night that he has gotten to this point where he was lucky enough to meet him before he can die. Jihoon who was too much for this world. He's so smart and talented. Pure and kind. Pass the hard exterior, the frown and the glares, the rough and harsh words, hides one of the biggest heart Soonyoung has ever seen.

He volunteers in the hospital, singing for kids and even adults. He entertains them and gives them hope with his angelic voice. He's so strong and capable. Always ready to help his friends and anyone who's in need. He hates to burden people, and prefers to keep in himself. Because he felt like he would only hinder someone. Which isn't. It isn't true at all. Soonyoung doesn't have enough for words to describe just how amazing Jihoon is. But Soonyoung he wouldn't mind to have Jihoon for the rest of his life. His life, which let's be honest, isn't that long.

Jihoon only realized that he wasn't joking about the cancer three months in this dating thing they're doing. They're together almost everyday, inseparable and immediately attached to one another. Like magnets, there's a force between them that they just can't seem to fight. They were supposed to go to the cinema, the marvel movie Jihoon has been waiting for is finally put but then Soonyoung cancelled on him. For the first time ever since they met. 

_"I'm sleepy and tired"_ was what he said. 

So jihoon, ever so kind, decided to just pop up on his apartment. Bringing his favorite foods and drink. He knocked, and was surprised when Chan opened the door crying.

 _"Ji...jihoon hyung?"_ The panic and the dread in his eyes was what pushed Jihoon to barge inside the place. Not minding Chan who was trying to stop him and keeps shouting his name.

He didn't stop walking until he found Soonyoung on his room, slumped down on the floor with Wonwoo on his side holding his body and Seokmin holding what seems to be a bucket. And Soonyoung was puking. Sweat all over his face and tears running down his face. When he looked up and found Jihoon standing there, while staring at him. He can't help but burst into a sob. But what can he do?

_Just because he's in love doesn't mean he's gonna live._

He knew Jihoon stayed that day. Even through the pain, he can remember the way Jihoon run to his side. He can remember seeing him cry. Can remember the way he held him close when he was too tired to open his eyes. He can't remember how long he was in agony. It could've been for hours, or days. Or maybe weeks. Time passes by him quickly like fallen leaves when he's in this state. His mind too preoccupied on keeping his body alive that everything is just a blur and insignificant. What's important was to survive for the moment. To fight the pain that covers his body. The illness that tortures him day and night. He barely remembers anything when he's consumed by his sickness like this. 

  
It takes two weeks before Jihoon came back to him. Once he remembered about the state Jihoon run into that day, he knew he shouldn't hope for more. So when he was out the hospital and Jihoon didn't message him...he didn't send one too. Until it was a full week and there's no word from the man. And Soonyoung was too scared too even go to him. So he smiled, and continued to survive like usual. He loves Jihoon, but he wouldn't let Jihoon to take responsibility of him or to burden him with a love that's only going to leave. His love might not end, but his heart is about stop beating soon. It's better if Jihoon left now, rather than for him to leave him later all alone. 

It was a movie night when Jihoon showed up. And within minutes of his appearance, Mingyu has whisked Wonwoo away to their room. Seokmin also forcedly carried Chan out of the apartment, giving a rushed goodbye and small wave until it was only Jihoon and Soonyoung who's in the living room.

Inside out was playing on the background, and assorted of chips and beers laid out messily on the floor.

 _"Are you even allowed to drink?"_ Jihoon whispered weakly, frowning at the opened bottles and cans on Soonyoung's feet. Soonyoung simply smiled, lying back on the couch.

 _"hmmm...you'd be surprised at the things I'm allowed to do"_ They had a silent staring contest. Soonyoung contentedly drinking in Jihoon's presence once again. Happy that he get to see him again. Memorizing every bit of him before he disappear for good.

_"So...cancer."_

_"Yes, jihoon..Cancer. Hereditary. Nobody really thought I'd still be alive at 22. But here we are"_ He mumbled, curling on himself. Surprisingly, Jihoon stepped closer, taking the fallen blanket and wrapping them around Soonyoung's body.

 _"How bad?"_ He whispered, his hands lingering on Soonyoung's shoulders. So Soonyoung took them, intertwining them with his own. Jihoon then sat down on the floor, just besides Soonyoung so they can see each other eye to eye.

 _"Very. Probably a year. If I'm lucky, then two"_ Soonyoung immediately reached for him when tears fell down from Jihoon's eyes. He can see the pain in his eyes clear as day, and he knows it's mirroring his own. Soonyoung cupped his face with one hand, and Jihoon sobbed on his palm and held his other hand tighter.

_"I just met you"_

_"I'm sorry"_

_"I'm not ready to let you go. I don't want to"_ Soonyoung doesn't know what to say to soothe him. Because whatever he says or do, nothing would change. He's sick. And he fell in love. He's gonna die, and Jihoon would still love him back. It's the purest form of pain that no words can ever erase. It's the cruelest of love, but none of them would like to give it up.

When he kissed Jihoon, it was full of longing. Full of fear that it might be the last. Salty tears covers their lips. Soonyoung can taste the love, the goodbye, and the pain in his tongue. He touched him with desires running fire on their skin. He made sure to map out every pieces of him and held them close right on his chest. Keeping all of him in his heart. He kissed every mole as if he can taste the stars. Enjoying the galaxy that embodies the man he loves. When he took him that night, he made sure to give all of him back. His every breathe, every touch, every word. He made sure that Jihoon knows that it all belongs to him.

  
_"I love you. Lee Jihoon, I love you. I will love you until the end"_

  
_"Soonyoung-ah...I don't want us to end"_

  
Soonyoung hold him close, skin to skin. Their heart bare for one another to take. Their lips sealed and taken by each other. Soonyoung can't promise to stay. Can't give forever. But Soonyoung can give his heart, and give him a lifetime worth of love. And Soonyoung can only hope that it can be enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "our love might be short-lived, but it's better than most people get in a lifetime"  
> -A walk to remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry I need to let out negative feelings and this happened 😭😭😭

_When Jihoon met Soonyoung, it was as if he finally come to life._

  
Jihoon believes that he was born to love music. From the melodies to the rhythm, he fell in love with the words and the tunes. It's the only thing he was so sure of in his life. In fact, he made music his life. To the point that everything comes second. He took everything in his life for granted. Everything that isn't his music. He barely left his room, barely look up the sky, barely gave attention to something that's not related to music. 

Soonyoung though... _Kwon Soonyoung is an exemption_. From the moment they met, he got the same feeling he has about music. He knew, from the moment Soonyoung opened his mouth and told him he's beautiful, he knew that this man is someone whom he's gonna cherish. And for some divine luck, Soonyoung thought that Jihoon is someone who deserves to be loved by someone so pure, so gentle, so amazing like him. 

How can he even describe Soonyoung? He has written hundreds of songs for him, some private and only for him to hear and some being played all over the world for everyone to hear. But still, Jihoon thinks it's not enough. Words aren't enough to describe the beautiful human that is named Kwon Soonyoung. 

And every single day he spent with him, every moment, made him realized that he'll love Soonyoung more than he ever does with his music. And that's something he never thought he would ever say.

  
When the doctor told them that Soonyoung would only have a few months left to spend with them, Soonyoung gave them a beautiful smile. It was dimmed by his sickness, small because of his tiredness. But it was still genuine. It was still sincere.

  
It was Chan who cried first, he ran up to Soonyoung and hugged him. Almost climbing up the bed if it weren't for the wires and machines stuck on Soonyoung's body. Jeonghan was more calm, with tears streaming down his eyes, he gently took Chan. Hugging him, and wrapping his arms around the boy who loved Soonyoung like a real brother. Seungcheol hugged them both, crying but smiling at Soonyoung. And Joshua simply, look at both of his boyfriend as they comfort Chan. Wonwoo didn't react, only bowing his head and leaning on Mingyu for support. Seokmin run out of the room as soon as he started sobbing, Seungkwan coming after him immediately. 

Jihoon watched their friends be overcome by grieve. They have a few months left, but they're already feeling the pain of losing Soonyoung. Soonyoung who brought more people in Jihoon's life. Who brought sunshine and happiness in his small world.

Soonyoung taught him a lot of things. One of them is learning that time is very limited. That everything has an end, and some ends more quickly than others. It made Jihoon realize that he has been treasuring the wrong things. What he should be paying attention to is the people who has been there for him, the people who loves him even through his flaws. He learned to appreciate all the simple things.

_"Please don't cry"_ Soonyoung rasped out, effectively taking Jihoon's attention. And Jihoon can feel his heart break. He wanted to scream. Wanted to lash out.

It's so unfair. Soonyoung doesn't deserve this. He's so...he's one of the only good things left in this world and yet, he's about to be taken away. The man is so full of love. That it's spilling over the edges and the people around him can't help but busk in it. He's so kind and gentle that everyone he meets tend to stay on his side. Just like how Jihoon was pulled over to him, without resistance. Willingly. Just like how Jihoon's friends immediately accepted him like he, together with chan, seokmin, wonwoo and mingyu are the missing pieces to their ragtag group. 

Jeonghan immediately loved him like his own family. Taking care of him, of his meals and his medicines. Making sure that he doesn't tire himself out. Seungcheol took him under his wing, making sure that his body is up to built. Being exercise buddies, and also drinking buddies. Joshua is more like the older brother Soonyoung never had. They clicked right away, with the both of them, their group of friends is always laughing and fond of their mischief. Jihoon often joke about how the three boyfriends found another son to dote on. And Soonyoung beamed at the implication. Very happy with the love he receives. Seungkwan, is like Seokmin and Soonyoung's long lost brother. Together, the three of them are impossible to defeat. They were a team. They were inseparable. It's like their minds are connected, and they were the ones responsible on giving out love to their group.

And Jihoon... _they were beautiful_. Sometimes, in the dead night, when he knows no one is listening and Soonyoung is sleeping peacefully, sometimes Jihoon cries and cursed at the moon. It's so unfair. He could've met Soonyoung earlier. Could've love him longer. But fate decided to let them meet when Soonyoung's life is about to end. Their love is so strong. So wonderful. Jihoon knows this. Their love is like a fresh gentle flower and it's unfair that it has to wither before it even blooms into a garden.

_"I love you"_ He managed to say, smiling down to the love of his life. Soonyoung lifted his hand, as if reaching for him and Jihoon wasted no time on reaching back. Grasping his hand, gently, but tightly. So afraid to let go.

 _"I'm sorry"_ Soonyoung whispered. Love overflowing and shining in his eyes. And Jihoon felt the broken pieces of his heart, mend back. Until his heart is whole and beating again, waiting to explode with Soonyoung's name.

" _You don't have to be"_ and Jihoon means it. no matter how long or how short, he won't ever regret meeting him. Loving him. And to be loved back by him. He'll choose this over and over again. Because their love, even if short-lived, is something so much better. Their love is stronger than the pain, than the heartbreak. Because even after all of this, Jihoon knows that Soonyoung would stay. In his heart. _Forever_.

It was Soonyoung's idea. Once he was released out of the hospital- he claimed and wailed that he doesn't want to die inside the four corners of a white room. He doesn't want to stay there especially since he stopped responding to treatments and medicines, he immediately proposed a getaway plan.

_"I want sunlight, hoonie! I want freedom! Come on! Please?"_ and again, none of them can really say no to a person who's dying from cancer.

It only took them a few days to plan, one serious conversation with Soonyoung's parents, and then they were hopping on a plane and off to America. It was the chosen destination because one, there's a lot of beaches in their. And second, Joshua already has a place so they won't have to rent anything. 

_"Oh my god! It's so hot!!!"_ Soonyoung screamed, clapping and vibrating on his wheelchair as soon as they landed. Delighted, and happy. If Jihoon's sappy, he's say that it rivals the strong ray of the sun. For Soonyoung burns brighter than the sun itself.

 _"Yes, oh my god, hyung it's so hot! Why are we even here?"_ Seungkwan complained, reaction completely different from Soonyoung.

 _"Of course it would be hot! You're wearing a jacket, moron!"_ Chan screamed, already getting inside the car waiting for them to arrive.

_"Yah I'm older than you"_

_"Well I'm smarter so deal with it!"_

Jihoon can't help but chuckle at the neverending banter of the two. They might be like that but Jihoon knows that Chan adores Seungkwan, and kwannie has a big soft spot for the kid. It's apparent with the way Seungkwan always let Chan get away with the teasing. 

_"Hey lovebirds! Are you just gonna stay there or what?!"_ Seungcheol screamed and Jihoon realized that it's only him and Soonyoung who hasn't gotten inside the car.

 _"Help me, baby?"_ Soonyoung asked, rubbing his thumb over his palm soothingly.

" _Always_ " He gave him a quick peck on the lips, before helping him to stand. Supporting his body weight so Mingyu can fold the wheelchair. Together, they gently walked over the car and he carefully sat Soonyoung inside. Coming inside after him. Once he was comfortably sitting, he immediately pulled Soonyoung on his side, who happily snuggled on his chest.

  
It didn't take them long to get to the house. Soon enough, everyone is settling in. Most of them went shopping first, some for groceries. Jihoon stayed indoors, working on his music while Soonyoung sleep the tiredness off. Only waking up when it was dinner time. They had barbeque, a staple american food. With steak, pasta and a lot of alcohol. They started tame, claiming that they only want wine so that Soonyoung can drink and he won't be out of place. Until Seungcheol bring out the beers, and then it's riot from there.

Seungkwan and Seokmin is having a Beyonce singing battle, with wonwoo, jeonghan and joshua egging them on. Chan and Seungcheol are arguing just as loud regarding a video game, with Mingyu trying to be a mediator. Jihoon sips his beer contentedly, holding Soonyoung's hand and looking at his friends fondly.

  
 _"Have I told you today that I love you?"_ Jihoon whip his head to Soonyoung so fast that he felt all the alcohol slosh inside his brain, but it was worth the dizziness. Because Soonyoung is looking at him with love so clear in his eyes, lips formed in a soft smile. Jihoon can't help but lean in and bring their lips together. Savoring Soonyoung's warmth.

 _"Multiple times. But I like hearing it anyway. I love you"_ He whispered, caressing Soonyoung's cheek. It was once full, and bouncing with life. Now it's hallow and there's only a thin skin left that protects his face. Still, Jihoon loves him. Because it's Soonyoung.

 _"And I love them. Take care of them for me please, and they would do the same to you."_ Jihoon swallowed, kissing Soonyoung once more.

_"Of course. I love them just as much. Don't worry about it okay?"_

_"I'm worried about you"_ Jihoon inhaled sharply. He wants to say that he's worried too. That maybe he's not strong enough That he wasn't as strong as he's trying to be. When he said yes, and promised Soonyoung all of his love, he has accepted that he would soon lost him. Jihoon had readied himself for it. So when the time comes, Soonyoung won't be sad about leaving. Jihoon can pretend all he wants, but he knows he's not ready. Is there even someone in this world ready to let go of someone they love? is there someone ready to surrender their heart to death? 

_"I'm worried too. But it was worth it, isn't? We're worth it"_ He mumbled. Holding Soonyoung close.

 _"Is it? Am I? Wouldn't it be painful?"_ Soonyoung asked. Jihoon put down his beer and took Soonyoung's hand, putting over his chest so he can feel his heart beating. Because every heartbeat, only calls for Soonyoung's name.

_"Soonyoung-ah...you are worth it. And even if it would be painful, our love is stronger than that. You gave me a love that's so rare, Soonyoung-ah. And no amount of pain would ever replace that"_

This time it was Soonyoung who leaned in. Kissing him full on the lips and Jihoon kissed back, with all the love he has. And hopes that Soonyoung can feel them. The strong current of his emotions that wants to wrap themselves over Soonyoung's whole being.

 _"Jihoon-ah..."_ Soonyoung rested his forehead over his, only a breathe away to each other. He can feel the ghost of his lips when he talks, his mouth tingling from the desire to hold him closer.

_"Yes?"_

_"Let's get married"_ Jihoon felt Soonyoung pushed something on his palm, and when he looked down, there is a simple ring in between their hands. It was out of his control when a sob felt out of his lips. 

The ring was so beautiful. So simple. It's a rose gold band with a sprinkle of subtle diamonds. And inside, is their initials engraved. It was so cliche, and so classic. Something Jihoon knows Soonyoung loves so much.

 _"Of course, Soonyoung-ah, of course. Any day, anywhere, in any way. I'll marry you"_ He shakily put the ring on his fingers, and immediately kissing the hell out of Soonyoung. He can feel him smile over the kiss, and Jihoon doesn't mind. 

_"then you don't mind getting married to me now?"_

  
Just like everything that jihoon associates with Soonyoung, it happened so fast. Just a moment ago, Soonyoung just proposed to him. And then suddenly, he shouted at their friends that they're getting married. Viola, here they are. It wasn't hard to find a pastor, even if it was almost close to midnight. They don't have enough time to find some suits so they just wore the most expensive thing they brought on their trip. Joshua was the one who found the small church nearby who agreed to wed them upon hearing their situation. And it was seungkwan and Seokmin who raided the city for a flower shop that's still open who immediately granted them a wedding bouquet upon urgent request. Wonwoo and Mingyu went all out and brought their most expensive cameras, with Wonwoo capturing everything in a picture and Mingyu making sure that every moment is stored in a video. Chan stands as Soonyoung's best man. Supporting his body as the man himself refused to stay on his wheelchair. Seungcheol and Jeonghan, walked him down the aisle. Kissing the both of them on the cheeks before finally handing him to Soonyoung.

  
Jihoon hasn't stopped crying. Soonyoung looks so handsome in his white button up, his hair swept up and styled. For just this moment, he looked like the same man Jihoon met that morning on the kitchen of their three eldest friends. His eyes shines the same way, and his smile, oh god, his smile is full of love and and of life. How can he let this man go?

It was a blur of I do's, Jihoon can't even speak straight with how much he's crying but he knows that Soonyoung knows what he wants to say anyway. There weren't any lengthy vow, but it was beautiful nonetheless. With their friends crying on the background, they sealed their wedding night with a kiss full of love.

_"I'm so happy that I met you"_ Soonyoung whispered. They're still in the altar, even if the church has darkened, and the pastor has left. Their friends are waiting outside so they could return back to their place. They're all anxious. Because right after the wedding, Soonyoung collapsed. But he refused to leave. So Jihoon stayed besides him. Holding him in his arms in front of the altar where they just said I do hours ago.

 _"You made me the happiest"_ He whispered back. One hand, holding Soonyoung's hand tightly. Bringing one of them over his lips and kissing their wedding ring.

 _"Tell my parents that I'm so thankful for them. Thank them for never giving up on me."_ Jihoon tried to hide his sob, but he can't stop the tears from flowing.

_"I will, love"_

_"Tell Wonwoo to stop reading so late, his eyesight would get worse. And Mingyu would miss him too much. The big puppy needs his cuddles."_ Jihoon hummed, pecking Soonyoung's temple as the man continued to talk.

_"Tell Seokmin to stop splurging on cereals. It's not healthy. And he should keep on Singing. His voice is so pretty, hoonie. And Chan, god, that rascal. Tell him to don't stop dancing. But don't overwork. His creativity has no limits, but his body does. Tell him to get some rest and continue again once his body is fully okay with it"_

_"I'll make sure they know that, Soonyoung-ah"_

_"I love it when you call my name. Jihoonie, I don't think I can last longer"_ Jihoon hold him tighter. Wrapping his arms around him. Trying so hard not to sob right there and then.

 _"It's okay, baby, it's okay"_ He whispered through the tears. Patting Soonyoung's tummy, and he felt him giggle.

_"Tell the hyungs I'm so grateful for them. For taking care of me, but mostly for taking care of you. Tell Cheollie hyung that I owe everything to him. That if he didn't help us that night, I wouldn't be able to score a date with you. Tell Kwan that I'm grateful for him just as much. Because he receives my jokes and laughs at them. He's like a second sunshine. Tell our friends that I love them, please."_

_"They love you back, Soonyoung-ah. Always"_

_"Jihoonie...I love you"_ Jihoon closed his eyes and pressed a kiss on his neck.

_"I love you too"_

_"But I'm so tired...Jihoonie, it hurts so bad"_

_"Let go, love. It's okay..."_ He sobbed _"You can rest now. You deserved it. It's okay"_

He felt Soonyoung moved, and then they're face to face. Soonyoung cupped both of his cheeks with his weak hands, holding him gently like he always do.

 _"I love you"_ and he leaned in to kiss him for the last time.

  
Jihoon sobbed once he felt Soonyoung's last breathe on his lips. Just like he promised, he spent his last moment, his last words, and his left breathe with Jihoon. For Jihoon. He felt it when Soonyoung's body lost the life it once held, slumping down on his hold and all Jihoon can do is hug him close. He doesn't know how long he stayed there, how long he cried over Soonyoung. But when their friends got inside the altar and saw their position, Soonyoung has lost all the warmth from his body. 

Soonyoung wished for his body to be cremated. He said that being buried down scares him and he doesn't like being alone in the dark so much. His parents flew over in America, and they held a simple funeral for him. With only close families, and their friends around. His parents gave the urn to Jihoon. Saying that they had Soonyoung all their life, and it's cruel but they know that Soonyoung would want to stay besides Jihoon.

Their friends helped him build a place for him, in the corner of their shared apartment. They put there every memory they had collected with him. Framing some of their favorite pictures, and Seokmin making sure that all the flowers are Soonyoung's favorite.

  
" _Jihoon?_ " Wonwoo knocked on the bedroom. They were supposed to leave now. They've done everything they can to make sure that Soonyoung is comfortable with his new home and the place is tidy the way Jihoon wants it. Jihoon assured them that he's okay, and it took hours, but he was finally able to convince them leave.

 _"Hey, thought you left already"_ Wonwoo shook his head so Jihoon patted the space besides him on the bed. Wonwoo sat down, and both of them silently sat together for a few minutes until Wonwoo pushed a box towards.

 _"What's this?"_ he asked, taking the box. Once he opened it, there's a simple silver necklace inside, with no pendant attached to it.

 _"You could put Soonyoung's ring there, so you can wear it everywhere"_ Wonwoo patted his knee and Jihoon can't help but smile. 

_"It won't be the same"_ He whispered. Caressing Soonyoung's ring which is on his thumb.

_"But he'll be with you. Jihoon... you know he would want you to move on right? To find a new love. And none of us would stop you. You deserve to love again"_

Jihoon smiled, and looked at Wonwoo. He and Soonyoung had talked about it. Soonyoung even made him promise. But truthfully speaking, Jihoon doesn't know if he'll be able to love someone so much again. If he can give the same love. Soonyoung became more than his lover. He is a part of him. Soonyoung is his home. Someone who accepted all of him, and taught him how to live his life to the fullest. Soonyoung already gave him so much more than just memories, and love. And that would live with him for the rest of his life.

 _"I know, Won. I know._ But it's Soonyoung _. You understand me, right?"_

He knows Wonwoo does. If there's someone who loves Soonyoung just as much as he did, it's wonwoo. He was the there since the beginning. He grew up with him, watched him fell in love with Jihoon, watched him live his life. 

  
_"Yeah, Jihoon. He's your Soonyoung"_

  
Jihoon won't lie and say it was easy after that. It took him a long time before he stopped crying for Soonyoung. And even then, there are still nights where he calls Soonyoung's name. Mingyu put their wedding videos in both a cd and a flashdrive, and Jihoon plays them so often that he has it memorized like the back of his hand. There's also a big album stuffed with pictures from that night. _It wasn't easy._ But it didn't stop Jihoon from loving his life and living it for him and for Soonyoung. His death was cruel but Soonyoung gave him so many happy memories that it dulls the pain of him being not with him. He loves Soonyoung, and Soonyoung taught him how to love himself. So with the ring attached to the necklace, and his own one still on his fingers, Jihoon flew the music industry with Soonyoung as his muse. Maybe their love story is short, but maybe in the next lifetime, in their second life...they'll meet sooner and will stay together longer. But until then, _Jihoon would keep on loving Soonyoung in this lifetime._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the people who read this 🥺🥺🥺 I promise Soonyoung died with content, and with a smile. And Jihoon lived his life as happy as he can, with Soonyoung still in his heart.


End file.
